Since I'd began the recruitment process, it's been about seven months. I've done the aptitude, fitness tests. I've had the interview. I've been waiting now for nearly 8 weeks to be granted a date for a medical exam. From there, I assume I'll advance to whatever the next steps might be.
Last night, I found the below video through the CAF subreddit. It couldn't have come at a better time.
From the time I finished up my interview and breathed a 'I think that went okay' sigh of relief, I've been left with time. With enough time, tiny cracks form in the foundation and, in my case, that materializes through doubt. I'd begun to doubt a number of things about this decision.
Could I really be away from my family for a duration? How would they cope? Was it the right decision to persue this lifestyle?
I fully and totally understand the above video is a recruitment video.
If I'd been asked, however, I would have said that my reasons for joining in the first place were rooted in patriotism and duty. I really, fully believe it's my duty to give back to the system that has kept me and my entire family comfortable and cushy for three generations now. We've had interpersonal struggle, sure, but in comparison to those worldwide who have real-life-and-death problems, we're incredibly insulated.
I still feel that way. Frusteratingly so.
When talking to clients who are unappreciative or downright agressively rude or, in general, observing the 'ice cream licking' public, I'm concerned. I'm concerned about my place in it all and the place my son will fill. My hope is that through military service, I'll be more ready for those real-life-and-death type situations that could cut through the thick hide of our culture.
On New Years Eve last year, we dealt with, relatively speaking, a medical emergency. My reaction to it was laughable – a real embarassment.
It's remembering those moments (I keep his hospital band in my wallet to remember that everything is fleeting) and weighing them against my present reality that keeps me ultimately grounded and focused on this long-term goal.
A goal that actually matters.