It happens to all of us, like it or not. Waves come and go. We get off track, we get back on.
The path. It’s always right there, always just within reach.
I think the only thing that separates us from being as disciplined as we want to be are collections of little decisions. The best (read: worst) part is, we already know in most cases that being on the wagon and in control feels really good. When I’m on top of my game, I know I am and you can see it in my stride. The little demons that pull us away from our best selves are god damned attractive, though, aren’t they?
For me, it’s late night cereal and sleeping in on the weekends. Some might say that’s what weekends are for, but I can’t help feel like it’s just wasted time. It seems to break the rhythm I set during the week too, which, when in full-swing, leaves me feeling accomplished and motivated.
It’s been about a year since my big weight drop. Over a period of about a year, I lost 100 pounds and set into motion a new routine, a lifestyle change. Since then, if I’m speaking honestly, I’ve slipped. Not dramatically by any account – I only fluctuate here and there, weight-wise, about 5 pounds from my walking weight. Still, though, in my heart of hearts I know, when I’m standing in front of myself, I’m not being the best I can be. Not for me, not for my family – I’m just not.
I’m not looking for pity here, either. It’s just the bitter reality of my day-to-day. I’m not doing the best I can, and I have to be accountable for that. Funny, how we’re trained so well to push those feelings aside or to create automatic cover stories to cope with these little tiny failures.
I haven’t updated my blog – well, I was working a lot of extra hours in the last two weeks, thanks #cryptolocker, amirite?
I haven’t been moderating what goes into my body – well, I’ve been on the road a lot more because of work the last two weeks, so…
I have fallen off of the strength training regimen I had established – well, lots of time being eaten up by… uh, excuses.
I am behind in my studies – well, you had time to build Bolt Action figures, didn’t you, fucknuts?
Being honest with myself, especially in a forum as open and available as this blog is somewhat helpful. If even to refocus after a long weekend of gluttony, I’m ready for this week and I’m ready to change.